Weblog
Friday, 11 December 2009
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Random Rambles.
Wow, it's been over a week and me and my boyfriend have not had an intensive argument, or an argument in general. I am glad, we're both really happy.
I don't really care if someone tries to attempt to make an insult, used commonly by teenage girls, to bring me down. For example.
"you're so ugly"
I don't really get phase by it. I can honestly say it is because.
I may be ugly in their eyes, hell i look at myself as ugly in my own eyes, however, my boyfriend view me as someone who is beautiful, so does my best friend, my twin, and I believe that is all that matters.
I like to believe that insults or words do not really matter, necessarily, if it is coming from
A) An anonymous person
B) Someone who seems to lack intellectual skills.
C) Someone who only fights with you over the internet.
D) Someone who just does not matter.
I only have a small handful of people that i really do trust, rely on, and care about their opinions. So honestly, does one, outside of that handful, really matter? Yeah it may bother me, but its merely minutes. It may make me mad, but it will eventually go away so it does not really matter. Oh , look at me rambling again.
CHRISTINE NGUYEN<3,
Hi bestfriend, I know that you are stressed and all, because you want to get yourself a flatter stomach, but you already have a healthy body. You managed to convince yourself that you are not healthier enough. Trust me, you are. I know many girls who can not even run one lap non stop, but you can run 3 stadiums non stop that shows that you are very athletic, also you give it all you got in Extinction even when you were exhausted. Not only are you healthy, (even though you freeload on junk food), you also are good enough for yourself, no matter how many times you have convinced yourself you are not. You're really pretty, you can dance, you are athletic, you don't give a fuck what people think or say, you do what your heart tells you to do, you are there for people. That is only a fraction as to why I consider you my best friend. You were there, always there. You set a standard bar for yourself, when you reach it, you would make that bar higher. Bestie, it is like running towards a destination. You set your goal at 2 miles, you manage to get to two miles, but you convinced yourself that you are not good enough, so you try to set it higher to 3 or 4 miles, when you reach that, you try to make your goal nearly impossible but possible, but it is just so harsh for yourself.
I would give a lot up just to decreasse most of your stress that you apparently have obtained for the past few months since junior year started. You are so stress over things, but you have me! but I want to let you know, you are pretty, you have a nice body (no homo), and you are a great girl. My best friend. You already met your standards, you are just over looking the things.
LIKE THE PROMPT IN AP TODAY.
YOU SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO THE MINORITY NOT THE MAJORITY
hhahaa, bitch, i kick your ass in that essay.
I love you, :D
-----------------------------------------1. When was the last time you shaved your legs?----------------------------
Last week, I am going to grow it out so it'd be warm over the winter <3
2. What were you doing this morning at 8?
Hanging out with my boyfriend before school started.
3. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
This blog.
4. What are you wearing right now?
shorts and a t shirt
5. Are you mad at anyone right now?
Not really.
6. The last two people to say they loved you?
Calvin, and Sherry
7. Kissed someone in the last 24 hrs?
Yup I did<3
8. Are you happy with your living arrangements?
Uhm. yeah. I guess.
9. Last thing received in the mail?
Junk.
10. Do you have any famous relatives?
Nope
11. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
Nope wait till marriage!
12. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Not yet.
13. How is your hair?
Crappy.
14. How many different drinks have you had today?
Two.
15. What have you eaten today?
fried rice, a banana, burrito,
16. Are you any good at math?
Yes I am.
17. What did you do Friday night?
Nothing today.
18. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Yes I do.
19. Are you taken for granted?
Not at the moment.
20. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Nope.
21. Do you like the ocean?
I love the ocean.
22. Did you stay friends with your ex's?
Not anymore.
23. What are you excited about?
Nothing really.
24. What did you do two nights ago?
Go to sleep.
25. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No.
26. Where do you keep your money?
piggy bank!
27. Do you remember the most naughty night of your life?
:D .
28. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
depends who that someone else is.
29. What was the weather like on your birthday?
This year, at Lake Tahoe, it was nice.
30. Would you make out with anyone on your top friends list?
I already did.
HOA. I love you . <3
I just wanted to say that so you would have a smile on your face by the time you read that. -
Irrelevant comebacks.
Profanity ahead. I am saying this because i have some readers who hate profanity
and i don't want to lose them =)
I am amused at people who tend to use irrelevant comebacks to try to win an argument.
Those type of people do not deserve to be taken seriously from.
WELL, I got a phone call from a restricted number today. I have a big hunch on who it is. but the argument was so lame, that I can not take it seriously at all.
Person: HEY IMMA BEAT YOUR ASS UP. I KNOW YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT ME. SAY IT TO MY FACE.
[ I have no idea who the person is, really]
Me: LOL. If you have something to say, say it to my face, don't hide around with stupid threatening phone calls blocked by a restricted number.
[ silence]
Fuck you bitch. you're fat. *hangs up*
LOLOLOL. Oh dang. Now since when is being a bitch a bad thing? I love that come back though, it seems a lot of girls these days use it, "you're fat" "you're a bitch" . I seen many of my girls get those kind of immature comebacks, it just shows that they lost an argument by trying to throw an insult there that is
A) not relevant
B) random
&
C) Pointless.
That. is. pathetic.
I don't take threats seriously unless its something worth to be taken seriously about. I hate arguing over aim or over the phone, cause you have that option to block a person, or call from a blocked number. I dont mind comfrontations up in person, just don't be a total idiot. It is also not necessary to bring 100 friends with you, no one cares.
This whole thing happened at lunch,
I am pretty content. I told Donnie about it and Donnie said, "don't worry you can beat her ass. after all, it looks like you can beat mine"
-_________-
I want to thank the person who called me though, give me something interesting to blog about :)
Wednesday, 09 December 2009
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Sorry, i haven't posted lately.
I was never the one to consider myself close with my parents. Countless of times I have envied my cousins and close friends for having this friendship bond with their parents.
For Example, Sherry. Sherry has a GREAT relationship with her mom, yeah sometimes they bicker where Sherry's mom has to put her foot in to be a mother role in Sherry's life. I hung out with them to know well enough that they get along so greatly. I envied Sherry.
Anyways. I won't be posting that much. Since my C in French, (it is not even a final grade). My parents took the option to take away one thing every teenager wants: Privacy.
Now my laptop has been moved to their room, my AIM has been uninstalled (thanks a freaking lot, dad ), i can only have one hour of internet per day, and also I can not go out.
Dad,
you don't even have a job. You do nothing but stay home and scream at neighbors, and scream at people when you're driving. You're not even considered my father. Yeah that's harsh of me to say, but the ONLY FATHER FIGURE I ever had was Hieu Le. My uncle, who actually loved me, took care of me, pay attention to me, and gave me great advice. Needless to say, I think God took away the wrong person. I rather have him in my life than you, he was a better father figure to me than you will ever be. At least he cared about me, and at least he saw me as something more than a piece of paper with grades on it.
You're no longer considered as my 'dad'.
My dad even went to the extreme of trying to threaten me. "If your friends are distracting you, they better watch their back." Are you kidding me? I grew up with stupid insults, and stupid threats, and I never heard a stupider threat than the one he spit out. If my dad ever LAYS a hand or disrespect my boyfriend, I'm walking out of the house.
I've been stressed lately. It is not good for my diet. The treadmill is broken, I can not bike after 5, it is just honestly just terrible for me. I want to do boxing, i want to box away my anger. When I box someone in the ring, i want to imagine them as this floating bad grade, or someone who I hate, so i can use all my stress out. I want to box so bad. I think I am going to buy that for my Christmas present. Haha.
I never even had a 'close relationship' with my parents.
I honestly just want to move out, because I am so stress everyday.
They always use this argument against me, no matter how irrelevant it is:
"You care about your friends more than this family."
"you don't care about this family"
"why don't you move in with your friends since you love them so much"
What is the point ? The reason why i am so "happy" to see my friends every day is because they don't give me stress. They don't yell at me, or put me down. They don't try to crush my dreams and say that I will never make it to a University after high school. The reason why I am happy cause they are the reason why I am not giving up on things, why I keep holding on, and why I stay strong throughout every BS that YOU guys put me through. So yeah, they do make me happy. Sure, they did not raise me, but they were there when My ex boyfriend try to break me, when Calvin did stupid things, when I just wanted to break down. What did you do? just put me down always.
When i was growing up.
Fourth Grade, I went into finals for the spelling Bee. I did not bring home a trophy or medal, my parents said, "you wasted our time. see your friend even got a trophy and you couldn't bring home one"
When My uncle died, who i considered a father. this was in 5th grade, I was crying really hard. My dad said, "Get over it. stop crying" . I cried on the day where I first heard the news.
In 7th or 8th grade, my mom said, "if your autistic brother was normal, i would divorce your dad and force you to go with him"
in 9th grade and 10th grade, my dad literary stalked me and followed me around when I had an after school sport to attend to.
I know others have worst than me. However, I really wish my uncle was alive. I miss him. The only guy who really treated me like a daughter. Sometimes I feel that I grew up in the wrong family, than I should've had him as a father. Even his wife, my aunt understands me more than my actual mom. and protects me.
That is my vent.
Yeah i know, "Spoiled Teenager". I am not, really.
I Try to explain to my parents that my french grade is going up, before they can hear my explanation, they took away my privacy and things. It made me so mad, I am just trying to not talk to them.
Gaaaawd.
Monday, 07 December 2009
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Another reason why I hate being 'Fat'
Okay, people say I'm "average', or 'a little chubby', 'overweight', 'muscular' . Last year, I was stressed out so I joined the track team. I went to the weight room with my friend, Jennifer and lifted more than an average weight for a girl like me. I grew up always leaning toward the 'chubby side'. Of course you can not decipher that from my pictures as I am good at taking at a certain angle shot. There are countless of reasons why I hate being fat. Please don't say "than do something about it." I am. believe me, I am. I put myself on a diet only restricting myself to eat a certain amount of food, and do a certain amount of exercise. It is not going to give me dramatic changes in an instant, and I am okay with that. I just need time and patience.
Note: Please do not think that this is a label for all 'fat' or 'overweight' people. I feel this is only applies to me, and how I feel. this has nothing to do about in general. I don't expect sympathy.
1. The Insults.
People describe each other base on how they look more than how they act. When people describe me when talking about me, it would sound like
"that fat and ugly girl.', 'the fat girl', the 'chubby girl'. My own personal label. That is how people identify me, but now since I am Calvin's girlfriend, being 'calvin's girlfriend' is my new identification. No one likes to be identified as 'the fat chick', i think that can apply to anorexic girls too. 'the girl who never eats' . yeah the insults hurt. But I grew up with those kind of words, so now, they are just merely a plastic bullet rather than a steel billet. "wow you're so slow, i bet it's because you eat a lot LOL" . "i bet you run miles in 15 minutes, no wonder." I dealt with insults my entire life. Whenever someone does not like me, they'd use an insult to try to put me down, and it is always about me being fat. as if my being an overweight teenager is a reason for them to hate me.
"At least I am not fat"
Scenario: I was once at Victoria Secret, double dating with one of my closest friends. As me and my friend's boyfriend were looking at perfume, i heard a snide remark by 3 girls, omg she is so fat. Their gay friend remarked a reply, Yeah i know. damn. she's hella fat. I tried my best to keep my head up, but it was so transparent that I was clearly upset by the way they were so shallow.
2. The Clothes.
I hate wearing a regular t shirt without worrying that i look 10x bigger than I normally do. I wear an oversize sweater. I don't know, but I dread going into Forever 21 because i think its a personal insult to me if I can not even fit their size mediums. I love Forever 21, their clothes are amazing, or how about going to Ross, and you find this beautiful shirt. You want to wear it, show it off, as if you are your own personal model. Than, you can not fit it. Everytime I try on a shirt that has the most beautiful feature, and it does not fit, than when i ask if they have any bigger sizez. I'm sorry, Ma'am, but that is the biggest size we got. I know I am just being a little teenager about clothes, but it sucks like when you can not even fit into your old pair of favorite jeans.
3. Your elders looking down on you.
I grew up in an asian family. As i was growing up, whenever my family and I visit my aunts, uncles, and cousins, it was always the same. "Oh my, does it look like she's gaining weight?" they pat my stomach and go "you need to lose some", and flash me the fakest caring smile. I smile back, fakely of course, than turned away and go back to doing something else. Trying to mask my embarassment at being told like that out loud in public. Even my doctor looked at me, and rolled her eyes saying that I need to lose weight. She said it in a rude way, in vietnamese to indicate that I need to stop eating so much rice and criticize me, she just made me feel so bad.
4. Public Embarassment.
I don't really know how to elaborate on it. But, in the Victoria Secret Scenario. That, to me, was public embarassment. Although those girls did not announce it to the whole store, they pretty much embarassed me in front of their friends, and my friends & boyfriend as well. Another scenario of public embarassment is today. In my history class, my teacher would adjust the front desks to make it properly align with the rows. I sat in the front, and he couldn't even move the desk. I don't know if it was the weight of my backpack on it that made it heavier, cause he perfectly moved the desk with me on it, but today it was just different, The whole class was quiet, eyes glaring at my seat and my teacher. Now, don't get me wrong, he did not burst into sweats and ate spinach to develop big muscles to move my desk. He just made it obvious that he couldnt even move me the first time around. That killed my day today, i was about to cry from embarassment. To make things worst, my two guy friends announced to me and reminded me what happen, thinking it was a laughing matter. I don't blame them.
5. Being less Attractive.
Men are shallow, (not all men). They are attracted to shapely and curvy girls. Being fat, makes it hard for me to find a potential mate. cause c'mon. Looks matter. If you are fat, or overweight, guys will think you do not know how to take care of yourself properly. thus giving you a big X mark on you. I know there are 'chubby chasers', but those are slim. I am very fortunate to have my boyfriend who looks past the thing I call my body and loves me for who i am , and does not expect me to change. He is just thankful and satisfied that I am interested in sports. However, my first boyfriend cheated on me cause i was not appealing to the eyes as the girl he cheated on me with . Joy. I am not saying that all fat girls are ugly. No, do not get me wrong. I've met some beautiful girls, inside and out who are on the chubby side. I am not speaking this in general, I am speaking about myself, i do appeal to being less attractive.
6. Feeling Crappy.
I am less attractive, because I feel less attractive. I feel crappy. You know when you are at a thanksgiving dinner, and afterwards you feel sluggish, tired, exhausted? I feel that way when I eat a decent meal. Not beecause I'm too tired to walk up the stairs, but because I think to myself, "oh great this food will mess up my body into something worst." I think low of myself, i have the worst self esteem ever.
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But, I am going to change. This week is my week #2 of my REAL motivation to change. My best Friend Christine is going to have my back at this. and I WILL not back down. If my boyfriend can accept me the way I am without no complaints, than why can't I? I've been complaining for too long. I need to do something about it. However, I wish i can fix my self esteem before I can fix my body.
Sunday, 06 December 2009
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10 Things You Wish You Could Say to 10 Different People Right Now:
1. I don't know what the hell she sees in you, but you must be something for her to keep staying strong for you. Fuck her heart, i'll fuck you up.
2. We were close, i admit that, but now you're talking about my blogs publicly behind my back? I don't even talk shit about you.
3. We've been friends since 6th grade. I know you better than that. He just wants you for the sex, yet you don't see it? Open your fucking eyes.
4. I never talk bad about you. I think you have no reason to be jealous of me. I never talk down on you or about you. I respect you. i expect the same.
5. we just got closer this year, and i do a lot for you. yet you don't appreciate me. You always guilt trip me, you think i'm going to turn my back against you. You don't realize that you are the one that does that to me.
6. I honestly think you're shallow. Yeah i know looks matter, but you act like you have to be with a hot girl. Damn.
7. We were on good terms, till you pull that stunt and never muster up the courage to apologize. even when you knew that you were the reason why me and my boyfriend broke up over the summer. You self righteous asshole.
8. I think you're too conceited, that you're self absorbed. You care too much what people think, yet you give them reasons to talk about you.
9. You think i'm so dumb because I'm not as smart as you. When i proved you wrong, you just find more reasons to bring me down.
10. You're so much better than that. you're stronger without him.You say you lack courage, i don't believe that. You have more courage than most girls I've known. I admire you.9 Things People May Not Know About You:
1. I dont easily hate.
2. I sometimes dance when I wait for my food.
3. calvin is my first & true love. thats not HS shenanigans.
4. i get headaches easily.
5. i avoid looking at mirrors because i'm not satisfy with my body or my face.
6. I wish i was satisfy with my body.
7. I grew up with low self esteem.
8. i go the extra mile for a lot of people and just expect a small form of appreciation in return.
9. I hate going in forever 21 and feel like the fattest girl there. It hurts.8 Ways To Win Your Heart:
1. make me laugh .
2. do cute things for me.
3. say what you mean from the heart.
4. Handle my temper tantrums.
5. appreciate the things i do for you.
6. Surprise me.
7. Don't use me or mess around with me
8. But most importantly. you have to be Calvin P Tang.7 Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot:
1. Calvin.
2. Friends. .
3. School .
4. Grades.
5. Why i am so fat6. I need to lose weight.
7. I need a job.
6 Things You Do Before You Fall Asleep (not in order):
1. Homework .
2. Myspace/Facebook .
3. Xanga.
4. Phone with babe.
5. Shower.
6. Brush.5 Characteristics You Value:
1. Charisma.
2. Honesty.
3. Sense of Humor.
4. Trust .
5. Love.4 Songs to Describe Your Life:
1. Day I Die - Elias
2. So high - Unknown
3.
4.3 Things You Wish You Never Did:
1. Screw up sophomore year.
2. took my ex back as a friend over the summer before freshmen year.
3. Did not beat up that slut.2 Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. Marry Calvin Tang.2. Go to Paris.
1 Confession:
1. I don't change for anyone, just myself and my boyfriend.
Duhiana
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- Name: Duhiana
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 8/8/2008
